The Blue Sky Torn Asunder.

The ten year anniversary of 9/11 is just around the corner, and as every conceivable media outlet and pundit gears up to delve into their "expansive coverage" I think that maybe I should say something before I get disgusted and fed up with their commentary. What I am going to say comes not from ten years of expert study and analysis of the events of that day or the "post-9/11 world" but instead from growing up in the wake of that event. My perspective is one marked by a childhood before the event and a period of growing up after that event.

Ten years ago, on September 11th, I was getting ready for middle school to start. I was in the 7th grade, and classes didn't begin until 9 am. I remember, very vividly, that I was walking out of the shower and into the living room when I saw that the Today Show was on, as it always was in the morning. Only this time, the images were very different than the cooking segments or interviews that usually occupied the show at that time. The first world tower was spewing smoke, and Matt Lauer's comments came only sporadically and in short bursts. He was, like me, in absolute shock and disbelief. I remember that the first thing that went through my mind was that this had to have been an accident. But how could a pilot not have seen the tower? The airports were fairly close, so of course they could have been that low over the city if something had gone seriously wrong. But as this train of thought was progressing, on screen came the second plane. And flames. What was happening? I just couldn't put it together. It made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

By the time I made it to school, the notion that someone had actively attacked the World Trade Center had go around through the student body. I remember that my speech class was replaced by the entire class watching a tv set up. The whole day was marred by a strange silence that was spoken. We were talking, we just weren't really saying all that much. I also remember that fear was cropping up everywhere. Outside my science class, students were talking about how we might be the next target. When asked why we would be targeted, someone else responded "McHenry county is the fastest growing county in the country!" I don't know if that was true at the time, but it just demonstrates that we, as a bunch of 7th graders, really just let our fears plant themselves firmly. Everyone was seriously uncertain about what was going to happen next.

When I think back to that day, I imagine a vast, blue sky with that kind of summer morning warmth everywhere. Then an earth shattering bang. This is just the sense I got from that day. An average summer morning completely torn apart.

These are the memories most of us have, and what a lot of us are going to think about over the next week or so. But what I think also deserves reflection is just how much life has changed since September 11th, 2001. For me, there's this cognitive barrier between the pre-9/11 and post-9/11 world that may well not exist at all. Still, right around that time I just can't remember what the dominant sentiments were- how the world was different (if it really was different on a local level). I have to think about the world now, and what 9/11 really did to the world.

We of course saw a period of tremendous injustice on many fronts. The victims of 9/11 suffered injustice in their deaths that day. They committed no crime and deserved none of what happened. People elsewhere, however, also suffered injustice. The administration launched a war in Afghanistan that did not carry with it an understanding of the enemy at hand. Countless civilians have been exposed to harm and death through no fault of their own. Just like the people aboard those planes and in the Pentagon and World Trade Centers had no part in the foreign policy that engendered the hatred of others, the people of Afghanistan did not take part in the acts on that day. Still, ten years on they live under the shadow of that day in a very serious way. The people of Afghanistan had their world changed forever. And the invasion of Iraq was brought up in the ferver of "patriotism" that rose after the attacks. When Iraq occurred, I know that many people were caught up in the rhetoric that was used to justify the war. But many more, much braver people, spoke out against it. I wish I had been old enough to really have understood what was happening at that time. Instead, I had to watch the world around me and slowly come into the world intellectually under these circumstances.

When Osama bin Laden was killed this year, my first reaction was not jubilation. I didn't jump up and cheer. It was not that I was upset that bin Laden was killed- it was that I didn't really think anything was going to change. I had a moment when I sat there and thought back to that image I have about 9/11. The blue sky torn asunder. That image didn't melt away. No death would take away that feeling. No death was going to correct the injustice suffered by the people who died on 9/11, the civilians of Afghanistan, or the people of Iraq.

I grew up in a world where racist rhetoric had been used by people who feel I am too compassionate towards the people of Afghanistan and Iraq. Somehow, my sympathies are transferred to the people who perpetrated the act instead of to the families who have lost loved ones everywhere. I grew up in a world that was governed by the fear of an invisible foe everywhere. Nothing changed when Osama bin Laden died. I don't remember where I heard it, but I think the following sentiment carries my own feelings quite well: "I will never celebrate another person's death, but neither will I mourn his [bin Laden]."

I know that many of the problems I observe today existed before 9/11. There were always crazy people who thought there was some massive world conspiracy out to take away their freedoms- 9/11 just provided them another medium to paint their lunacy on. There were always racists and xenophobes who blamed others for so many of their problems and sought to demonize that which was not them- 9/11 just gave them a new platform from which to shout. There were always people who wanted to forward a crooked foreign policy- 9/11 gave them new angles of justification.

People died on 9/11 because of the actions of a few criminals. And many more people have died since because of a reaction formed too poorly. I know what I say here will upset many, but I know that I am right. There is so much more I could say, but can't (or shouldn't if I ever want this post to end). As the ten year anniversary of 9/11 comes, we will rightful remember those who died on that day. But as the 11th year starts, I wonder how many people will remember that the world changed in so many more ways since then. The blue sky was truly torn asunder everywhere.